This year has been a WHIRLWIND of change. And that could be an understatement. At the beginning of this year, I didn't start out with clear goals. I felt confused, going in all different directions, wearing about 50 different hats in my business. Not really, but that's how it was feeling. I am one who observes quite a bit. I watch other people and notice what they are doing. With social media, everyone most likely does that. But I noticed something with a few of my entrepreneur friends. Julie May, a coach and mentor I have followed through different events has helped each them find a focus for their business and I have noticed that they have been successful quickly. And being confused and indecisive as was, wanted that clarity and direction. 

I felt as I pondered, that I needed what they had, and that was Julie. And I knew in my heart that I had to invest and do what it takes to work with her. However much it costs. Because i needed results quickly. I applied for the business college scholarship they started, filling it out on the last night openly and honestly. And I figured, if I get it, awesome. If not, oh well. And... I got it! I felt excited and kind of baffled. Why me? I know why now... because I showed that I was investing in myself all last year and taking leaps of action. I missed the first call with Julie, and the 2nd, which I felt very upset about. But I finally spoke with Chip and I asked about working with Julie. He talked with her and got back to me- about what I needed to do and how much it would costs. 

Long story short, I took out a bunch of credit cards and paid for it up front. Creighton said I could "do whatever I want" in his way of saying it. And asked me to not do the disney trip. But I knew I needed to. My heart said yes, and the limiting beliefs of inconvenience in me said no. And I expressed, "what is Go wants me to do this?" And I feel like he does. 

We scheduled 2 powerdays, that got postponed. One day I didn't have a car and my babysitter bailed. It worked out perfectly really. And the 2nd time, julie's daughter got sick. Then I had an opportunity to speak as a *keynote speaker*! And i paid for it- $1100. But the spirit said, this is your chance. you have to do this". So we got the third attemp for a power day set up- and she got me going on my modality idea! I was hung on on the software for so long. The legwork was done, meaning I knew what I wanted it it and it was written down. Tiffany and Julie got me on the idea of doing it as decks of cards! And so I went with it because the spirit told me to do everything that Julie says. This was 4 weeks ago. I told brook to hold off on the gemstone stuff. And after getting stuck, asked her to help me with this. 

She set up the stuff on canva so we could work on it. I set up my categories on google drive. I organized and reorganized them. Expanded. Then made it more simple. I went up to 16 categories and almost 500 cards! Which is a ton! But Brooke with her design and graphic skills made this all possible. She helped fill them out. and made me a new logo in minutes. Then I had a coaching session- where julie and tiffany helped me to majorly simplify the cards. I got them down to 260 cards and 14 categories. At the moment, I am quite energized and excited. The cards are sent off the to the printer and my manual is done and sent off as well. But can I tell you this?

I have almost lived in overwhelm in the last 4 weeks. I have spent countless hours on this project. I have gone through spouts of anxiety and overwhelm. For me, this has been high constant anxiety, while it might be low grade for other. Thoughts like "How am I going to get this done? I don't know how to do this? How do I simplify? I don't know how to speak in front of people? I don't have it in me to call and printer people?" I felt stumped over and over again. Then I'd get a glimpse of success or gratitude or excitement.  It hasn't been easy. I have sacrificed time with my family. My husband has taken extra time to care for this kids so I could work on this. I spent extra hours at my office, which is where I am typing this now at midnight. There were moments I wanted to cry and moments I did cry. 

What I noticed is this: When I was asking myself,  I don't how to do this? How is this going to get done in time? I don't how to simplify" These thoughts and questions created the anxiety I was feeling. When I sat down to do it, The anxiety and overwhelm would lift. Then, when I got stuck again, Those feelings would allll come back. Which is why I am sooo grateful for Brooke. She lifted the burden for me and found solutions. I had late nights and early mornings. I felt very overwhelmed with the guide book, which I know is not perfectly how I want it. but its really good. I felt stumped for over a week on it. I worked on it last sunday night from 10:30 pm to 5:15 am. That's a late night. Creighton asked how I was going to function the next day. I couldn't tell ya but I did. The anxiety sat in my chest and the overwhelm sat in my gut, which is why I felt stopped at some many moments- losing my personal power and connection the project. I felt worried. Other times I felt terrified of success. SO many emotions. 

but here I am- and its coming together. the things will be printed by Monday. I'll have my boxes, rings, stickers for the boxes printed. Not I just have the power point and offer to work on. 

Now onto the makeover day:

I went in to the hair salon- and I was comfy in jeans and a hoodie covered in dog hair, which my chemically damaged orangish hair.  I get there, and I don't want any idea of what she was going to have me do with my hair. Until later in the appointment. I find out that Julie wants me to go BLONDE. Platinum blond. But ironically, its a picture I have seen before AND liked. I didn't see how I could pull that off. But trusting the process, I say, "sure, lets do it". Because in my mind, its just hair. It will grow. The back of my hair was gross and i was just waiting to fix that. Julie's vision was this.  

I spent lots of time talking to Leah, the hair expert, and really just feeling over sitting in the chair. I was there for 4 1/2 hours. While Julie and Tiffany did pre-shopping. I was so ready to be done with my hair. And it wasn't as shockingly blonde as I expected. "okay, I do this". But julie wasn't super happy about it. It was not white enough. And I was awkwardly sitting in the chair while Leah explained that my hair damaged and she didn't want to damage it more. and recommended a hair treatment before trying again. So that's what we did. We went shopping and I almost like nothing they picked up. "I would never pick that color out... we know! that why you hired us." And the loose shirts were never my style. But I always wanted someone to shop for me. AND they were. I spent $700 that day- I totally took the word budget out of my brain. The casual clothes they suggested were also something I would never pick out on my own. as least not before the makeover day. And there were actually clothes I did like. I take the other statement back. This did challenge me though. Creighton actually liked the clothes. 

Then, I'm focusing on the project and yesterday (makeover day!) comes! I was feeling very apprehensive about going that blonde. I can't say LOVED being the other blond. It was different. I liked it. But at this point- I didn't really know what I loved. And leah kept making sure I wanted this. In my mind- if I don't like it, I'll go back to brown." I am 100% trusting the process. I felt exhausted from not getting a good nights sleep. And I also had a hectic morning and ignored a prompting to put the bag of clothes in the car. And I left them at home. Finding a babysitter hard because the one i had planned canceled the day before. I didn't eat breakfast. It was a blah morning for sure. 

Rachel was so amazing to bring to me so I didn't have to run home and waste an hour. I am so grateful for her. She bleached my hair again, and when I see it toned, I actually liked it (wet). Then we did the roots smudge and I got nervous again, "what if this ruines it??" But Leah said it would be great. And it was. The back of my hair is much better blended. We are ditching the A-line. I left to go to Julie's. 

I showed her my make-up which was not much= some powder foundation, mascara, a few lip sense, and a brow liner. So Rachel, Julie's daughter makes in my mind a huge list of what i need- because I am starting over with makeups supply. $107 later, I have makeup- I never wear foundation. ever. And we got some. I never wear fake lashes. never have, never planned on it. and this is bringing up emotion. Panic-low grade. hesitancy, and I'm just trusting in the process. We got back to the house and Rachel shaped my eye brows- and my leg kept jerking because it was painful. But it was funny- made us all laugh. I love how the three of them make each other laugh. It was casual and fun, but we got a lot done. What took forever was learning how to do makeup= I don't how many steps there were. 15?? And how am I going to remember that? again, trusting in the process. Rachel did my left side, I did my right.

 I have never put liquid foundation on my face before this. So that was triggering. I had this belief that foundation covers up real beauty. And I was resisting it. but I went along with it. I mean, that's a lot of makeup... my mind was in overwhelm mode. 2 hours later, I''m seeing my face and I don't who I am. Because that wasnt' me. SHe was beautiful, but where was I? I was hiding under this mask of makeup. It was stage makeup. And the lashes, they were heavy. 

Then, I put on an outful and we did after pictures. Honestly, I looked gorgeous, beautiful, and professional. I saw carol tuttle looking at me, but it was me. And I felt insecure. But Julie, Tiffany, and Rachel are all so fun and amazing and did do a great job that I still good, but insecure and nervous. Just recorded a very enthusiatic message of me coming out. And I was flattered. I felt happy about it. And I still felt nervous insecure. the pictures with the fake lashes weren't me.. and parts of me wanted to cry. even though i was beautiful. We did the pictures and I left.

I got in the car, and a huge upheaval of emotions came up. I felt fake, like The real me, my beautiful skin, was in hiding. And I wanted to cry. I did cry. I was overwhelmed and discouraged, because I now didn't know who I was. I got to angela's house for the massage- and she said "Wow!" How are you? Me: "I want to cry". And we talked. and I realized some things. 

#1 I gave julie my power, not that she took it. I gave it to her. And she had my best interest in mind. 

#2 I believed that makeup puts a women in hiding who she really is.

#3 Changing my look was changing who I was

#4 I couldnt embrace this change. 

#5 My insecurity came out

There were moments on that table where boogers were falling of my nose. I just felt so overwhelmed and insecure. 

But through so much emotional release and talking through it, I am choosing this:

#1 I have my personal power. I got it back.

#2 I can embrace many of the things I learned, and then they become mine.

#3 I can use makeup to accentuate the beauty I already have, and its okay

#4 I ultimately choose what I do- but I can be open minded to accept this change

more importantly #5 God and Jesus Christ love me for who I am through this transformation. They don't see me as less or more for it. That's where my identity comes from- my divinity. Not my looks. 

#6 I have so support around me

#7 I don't have to look the same as i did as a teenager, young adult, as a mom. Its okay to change. There is nothing wrong with it

I am so grateful for this process with Julie and Tiffany. I am transforming. I don't see it as a dollar amount. Its worth 100%

AFTER pics