This year has been a WHIRLWIND of change. And that could be an understatement. At the beginning of this year, I didn't start out with clear goals. I felt confused, going in all different directions, wearing about 50 different hats in my business. Not really, but that's how it was feeling. I am one who observes quite a bit. I watch other people and notice what they are doing. With social media, everyone most likely does that. But I noticed something with a few of my entrepreneur friends. Julie May, a coach and mentor I have followed through different events has helped each them find a focus for their business and I have noticed that they have been successful quickly. And being confused and indecisive as was, wanted that clarity and direction. 

I felt as I pondered, that I needed what they had, and that was Julie. And I knew in my heart that I had to invest and do what it takes to work with her. However much it costs. Because i needed results quickly. I applied for the business college scholarship they started, filling it out on the last night openly and honestly. And I figured, if I get it, awesome. If not, oh well. And... I got it! I felt excited and kind of baffled. Why me? I know why now... because I showed that I was investing in myself all last year and taking leaps of action. I missed the first call with Julie, and the 2nd, which I felt very upset about. But I finally spoke with Chip and I asked about working with Julie. He talked with her and got back to me- about what I needed to do and how much it would costs. 

Long story short, I took out a bunch of credit cards and paid for it up front. Creighton said I could "do whatever I want" in his way of saying it. And asked me to not do the disney trip. But I knew I needed to. My heart said yes, and the limiting beliefs of inconvenience in me said no. And I expressed, "what is Go wants me to do this?" And I feel like he does. 

We scheduled 2 powerdays, that got postponed. One day I didn't have a car and my babysitter bailed. It worked out perfectly really. And the 2nd time, julie's daughter got sick. Then I had an opportunity to speak as a *keynote speaker*! And i paid for it- $1100. But the spirit said, this is your chance. you have to do this". So we got the third attemp for a power day set up- and she got me going on my modality idea! I was hung on on the software for so long. The legwork was done, meaning I knew what I wanted it it and it was written down. Tiffany and Julie got me on the idea of doing it as decks of cards! And so I went with it because the spirit told me to do everything that Julie says. This was 4 weeks ago. I told brook to hold off on the gemstone stuff. And after getting stuck, asked her to help me with this. 

She set up the stuff on canva so we could work on it. I set up my categories on google drive. I organized and reorganized them. Expanded. Then made it more simple. I went up to 16 categories and almost 500 cards! Which is a ton! But Brooke with her design and graphic skills made this all possible. She helped fill them out. and made me a new logo in minutes. Then I had a coaching session- where julie and tiffany helped me to majorly simplify the cards. I got them down to 260 cards and 14 categories. At the moment, I am quite energized and excited. The cards are sent off the to the printer and my manual is done and sent off as well. But can I tell you this?

I have almost lived in overwhelm in the last 4 weeks. I have spent countless hours on this project. I have gone through spouts of anxiety and overwhelm. For me, this has been high constant anxiety, while it might be low grade for other. Thoughts like "How am I going to get this done? I don't know how to do this? How do I simplify? I don't know how to speak in front of people? I don't have it in me to call and printer people?" I felt stumped over and over again. Then I'd get a glimpse of success or gratitude or excitement.  It hasn't been easy. I have sacrificed time with my family. My husband has taken extra time to care for this kids so I could work on this. I spent extra hours at my office, which is where I am typing this now at midnight. There were moments I wanted to cry and moments I did cry. 

What I noticed is this: When I was asking myself,  I don't how to do this? How is this going to get done in time? I don't how to simplify" These thoughts and questions created the anxiety I was feeling. When I sat down to do it, The anxiety and overwhelm would lift. Then, when I got stuck again, Those feelings would allll come back. Which is why I am sooo grateful for Brooke. She lifted the burden for me and found solutions. I had late nights and early mornings. I felt very overwhelmed with the guide book, which I know is not perfectly how I want it. but its really good. I felt stumped for over a week on it. I worked on it last sunday night from 10:30 pm to 5:15 am. That's a late night. Creighton asked how I was going to function the next day. I couldn't tell ya but I did. The anxiety sat in my chest and the overwhelm sat in my gut, which is why I felt stopped at some many moments- losing my personal power and connection the project. I felt worried. Other times I felt terrified of success. SO many emotions. 

but here I am- and its coming together. the things will be printed by Monday. I'll have my boxes, rings, stickers for the boxes printed. Not I just have the power point and offer to work on. 

Now onto the makeover day:

I went in to the hair salon- and I was comfy in jeans and a hoodie covered in dog hair, which my chemically damaged orangish hair.  I get there, and I don't want any idea of what she was going to have me do with my hair. Until later in the appointment. I find out that Julie wants me to go BLONDE. Platinum blond. But ironically, its a picture I have seen before AND liked. I didn't see how I could pull that off. But trusting the process, I say, "sure, lets do it". Because in my mind, its just hair. It will grow. The back of my hair was gross and i was just waiting to fix that. Julie's vision was this.  

I spent lots of time talking to Leah, the hair expert, and really just feeling over sitting in the chair. I was there for 4 1/2 hours. While Julie and Tiffany did pre-shopping. I was so ready to be done with my hair. And it wasn't as shockingly blonde as I expected. "okay, I do this". But julie wasn't super happy about it. It was not white enough. And I was awkwardly sitting in the chair while Leah explained that my hair damaged and she didn't want to damage it more. and recommended a hair treatment before trying again. So that's what we did. We went shopping and I almost like nothing they picked up. "I would never pick that color out... we know! that why you hired us." And the loose shirts were never my style. But I always wanted someone to shop for me. AND they were. I spent $700 that day- I totally took the word budget out of my brain. The casual clothes they suggested were also something I would never pick out on my own. as least not before the makeover day. And there were actually clothes I did like. I take the other statement back. This did challenge me though. Creighton actually liked the clothes. 

Then, I'm focusing on the project and yesterday (makeover day!) comes! I was feeling very apprehensive about going that blonde. I can't say LOVED being the other blond. It was different. I liked it. But at this point- I didn't really know what I loved. And leah kept making sure I wanted this. In my mind- if I don't like it, I'll go back to brown." I am 100% trusting the process. I felt exhausted from not getting a good nights sleep. And I also had a hectic morning and ignored a prompting to put the bag of clothes in the car. And I left them at home. Finding a babysitter hard because the one i had planned canceled the day before. I didn't eat breakfast. It was a blah morning for sure. 

Rachel was so amazing to bring to me so I didn't have to run home and waste an hour. I am so grateful for her. She bleached my hair again, and when I see it toned, I actually liked it (wet). Then we did the roots smudge and I got nervous again, "what if this ruines it??" But Leah said it would be great. And it was. The back of my hair is much better blended. We are ditching the A-line. I left to go to Julie's. 

I showed her my make-up which was not much= some powder foundation, mascara, a few lip sense, and a brow liner. So Rachel, Julie's daughter makes in my mind a huge list of what i need- because I am starting over with makeups supply. $107 later, I have makeup- I never wear foundation. ever. And we got some. I never wear fake lashes. never have, never planned on it. and this is bringing up emotion. Panic-low grade. hesitancy, and I'm just trusting in the process. We got back to the house and Rachel shaped my eye brows- and my leg kept jerking because it was painful. But it was funny- made us all laugh. I love how the three of them make each other laugh. It was casual and fun, but we got a lot done. What took forever was learning how to do makeup= I don't how many steps there were. 15?? And how am I going to remember that? again, trusting in the process. Rachel did my left side, I did my right.

 I have never put liquid foundation on my face before this. So that was triggering. I had this belief that foundation covers up real beauty. And I was resisting it. but I went along with it. I mean, that's a lot of makeup... my mind was in overwhelm mode. 2 hours later, I''m seeing my face and I don't who I am. Because that wasnt' me. SHe was beautiful, but where was I? I was hiding under this mask of makeup. It was stage makeup. And the lashes, they were heavy. 

Then, I put on an outful and we did after pictures. Honestly, I looked gorgeous, beautiful, and professional. I saw carol tuttle looking at me, but it was me. And I felt insecure. But Julie, Tiffany, and Rachel are all so fun and amazing and did do a great job that I still good, but insecure and nervous. Just recorded a very enthusiatic message of me coming out. And I was flattered. I felt happy about it. And I still felt nervous insecure. the pictures with the fake lashes weren't me.. and parts of me wanted to cry. even though i was beautiful. We did the pictures and I left.

I got in the car, and a huge upheaval of emotions came up. I felt fake, like The real me, my beautiful skin, was in hiding. And I wanted to cry. I did cry. I was overwhelmed and discouraged, because I now didn't know who I was. I got to angela's house for the massage- and she said "Wow!" How are you? Me: "I want to cry". And we talked. and I realized some things. 

#1 I gave julie my power, not that she took it. I gave it to her. And she had my best interest in mind. 

#2 I believed that makeup puts a women in hiding who she really is.

#3 Changing my look was changing who I was

#4 I couldnt embrace this change. 

#5 My insecurity came out

There were moments on that table where boogers were falling of my nose. I just felt so overwhelmed and insecure. 

But through so much emotional release and talking through it, I am choosing this:

#1 I have my personal power. I got it back.

#2 I can embrace many of the things I learned, and then they become mine.

#3 I can use makeup to accentuate the beauty I already have, and its okay

#4 I ultimately choose what I do- but I can be open minded to accept this change

more importantly #5 God and Jesus Christ love me for who I am through this transformation. They don't see me as less or more for it. That's where my identity comes from- my divinity. Not my looks. 

#6 I have so support around me

#7 I don't have to look the same as i did as a teenager, young adult, as a mom. Its okay to change. There is nothing wrong with it

I am so grateful for this process with Julie and Tiffany. I am transforming. I don't see it as a dollar amount. Its worth 100%

AFTER pics

  

My friend Alisa said it so perfectly, how her mom was amazing and showed up as a great mom. How mothers day is hard for her because she feel that she doesn't show up for her kids. How she was not there for them how her mom was for her. How she didn't have the wisdom to slow down. And how she had overrun herself because rasing children is hard.

I feel the same. I have not showed up for my older kids the way I wish I had. PP depression and rage have taken me over. They displayed themselves really strongly after Iris was born and I have been a raging mom ever since. Its not to say I haven't been loving or kind or wonderful. I have had wonderful moments. I am a fabulous mother up until the age of 2 or 2 1/2. But after that, I lose it. Yelling, screaming, swearing, hitting, the whole shabang. I am probably being hard on myself, but I need to face this head on. I am not the mom I want to be and I don't believe that my best is good enough. Enough for my own expectations of what a mother should be.

My patience levels are too short. I am far from the pinterest perfect mom. My kids have learned their bad habits from me. Especially Lily and Iris. I am so sorry for all the hurt I have caused them beause of my own limitations. I don't expect perfection from myself. But I do expect myself to not hit or scream at them. That crosses my own boundaries. I hope from this day on I never do it again. I love my kids. And I lack the love deserve for myself. I reach and I reach for it through self-care and personal development.

Today, I ackowledge PPD, and PP rage. It has affected me as a mother and it has affected my kids and my husband. It has affected my marriage. And it has impacted inescurities. This is not the last psychotic and depressive episode. I need a plan to work through this. I can choose something different, moment by moment. day by day.

I have to acknowledge this too. I am in a phase of life where I don't have all the time I want/ Where I have little children who always need me. And Its not alwaysgoing to be this way. As hard as my thoughts make it, there are things I can enjoy. If any of my kids were gone, then I would miss them SO much! And if I can keep that in my mind, then it could help in the moment.
                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                              

Mothers day 2020 and K1 darkening everything else

My sister was in town this weekend and I absolutely loved spending time with them. We gor out and hiked 2 days in a row. The girls got to play with their cousins. Honestly, it was a wonderful weekend. But every night for the last 3 nights, around 9 PM, my mood has completely shifted from feeling ok to upset, overwhelmed, and angry. Mostly towards Creighton. And I want to blame him. and in my mind, i am thinking thoughts that create mor anger and resentment toward my husband.

Why do I feel so intensely upset!? The emotions stack up so freaking quickly. And it leads to thoughts of wanting a separation. Tonight, it started with my feeling resentful that Creighton didn't make me breakfast in bed. But the resentment didn't trigger until Creighton's mom said something. And then my mind got all worked up and there the emotion was created. I tried to kiss him and his response was the awkward, "thanks... for kissing me". I don't really blame him, though i want to. I don't like the feeling of all my emotions rising around 9 or 10 at night with all the negative thoughts i have been harboring and making themself present. It feels bipolar to be honest. Then I go into this crying rage while Creighton tries to fix this. He isn't able to fix this. Something is wrong with me. Its not that cleansing releasing cry. Its the I want to die but not really cry because life is too hard.

So last night, I was in the kitchen crying sitting on the floor while my head was buried in my knees. I could feel anxiousness with the hyperventilating short breathes. No one was going to be able to help me. In my emotional rage, I was punching my quadriceps. My body responded with a please stop. Once he went to bed, which was probably best because I was NOT okay. Because I was not okay, nothing was okay. I sank further into the floor and further into the depths of despair. In the midst of this, The voice came telling me I needed to get up. That staying there was not going to help me. That even watching a TV show would help me more than staying. (Because I don't normally watch TV at night or during the day. My kids do and my husband does, but its not my usualy thing. And I like to watch uplifting inspiring movies or shows.) The voice said that my kids needed me. And to cast out. The Thoughts kept coming that I wanted to die. And it followed with me correcting it telling myself I didn't actually want to die, but I wanted to escape for a long time and disappear.  And that followed with, "that is not yours.. you need to cast out..."  (But I can't I said, its too hard). I did cast out. It felt like a male presense, an angel I think. But I couldn't feel the light because my vibration was so low. I felt a desire to write, write out my experience because at some point, I can use this to help someone.  But at this moment, I needed to help ME. I forced myself to stand up and melted into the couch with the computer. and I fell asleep while trying to type. Once I casted out, I was able to get up and go to the couch.

At some point in the night, I know that Creighton came out to the couch. I was pretty asleep but I woke up enough to know he was there. I could feel a gentleness about his presense. And then after deciding it was best to leave me there, he went back to bed.

In all of this, I am realizing something. I harboring a LOT of negative beliefs right now. The beliefs that my marriage is not repairable. That Creighton doesn't love me. That he is not able to help me. And I am holding onto too many negative thoughts in the hopes that I won't let them happen again. But if they do in the smallest degree, I am severely triggered. Like when I gently said that Ratfink is not my favorite thing and C felt hurt or like his idea was shut down- that triggered that belief and thoughts and emotions how I am not able to epxress my opinion. That it's not safe. This stuff, I don't know that I am ready to heal from it. And it is so engrained in me right now. It's imprinted into my emotional DNA. I have so much resentment towards motherhood, even though love my kids and I want what is best for them, which I don't usually think is ME.

And this is why I don't have a coaching program. Because I haven't figured out my crap or much of it. What I do have figured out it this. I KNOW to own my own thoughts and emotions. I know that emotions are not bad and to not judge myself in them. I am the thinker of my thoughts, but I am not my thoughts. I am a queen and I deserve love an respect. I feel better when I stand up for myself and stand in my power and claim my throne. I feel better when I do what I want, which is self-care. 

I also need to own this. I have been a victim of depression and anger. I feel depressed a lot. And very little do I feel true excitement an true joy. I function because I take steps to functioning. Because I have people who need me. I have to rise up. They give me a purpose, but I desire a greater purpose to rise up.

4/12/20
I also realize this: That intense energy was not mine. It was also generational. It was 4 nights of this, though last night was less intense. I think it was an ancestor going back 5 generations- maternal but I can't find her. I'll have to ask for those names.

she came for help because she suffered as a child and never fully recovered. SHe doesn't know how to recover.  She knows you do, but realized how affected you were that she retreated back. She needs help. release a few energies and send her to christ.
1. despair anchor-lust, fear, terror-age 13: excess toxic adrenalin:
2. family pattern: lust, panic, usnupported:

Stories of influence

Don't wait to take care of your health. Don't wait until January 1st! Take actions today. One small step at a time in the right direction.

My husband went to the ER last week on Tuesay night. He was having intense abdominal pain for about 2 days. We did contact a wellness center and got medications. But at midnight, his pain was just too intense. Whether or not he manifested them finding "nothing wrong", that's what happened after a blood test, ultrasound, and CT scan.

We got to the ER around 12:30 AM. He got admitted right away. WIth it being covid-19... we both had to wear a mask. I was resistant, but being where I was, I didn't have a choice. My husband was mentally our of it because of the pain he had been having. So I was left caring for the kids and my husband. and all the things while maintaining a business.

We went into the ER room. It was cold in there. And the walls were stark white. They started him on an IV right away. He super dehydrated beause he feared eating and drinking during the day for fear of the pain. Had I realized this, I would have forced him to take sips. He used up all the fluids from the IV. THey gave him morphine and zofran for the nausea. It gave his mouth a metallic taste. The nurse who did the blood test after that so quick with it. It was fascinating to watch really.

They did an ultrasound and didn't see anything. But it was interesting how all of a sudden, C became aware of his own body. Then we went back to the room and got really sleepy. They did a CT scan. and nothing. They sent us home at 3 AM with no results. That for me frustrating because it was only according what the machines said. He was "fine". Clearly he wasn't fine. Clearly, something was wrong. That's why I love energy medicine. Because it can help to see what is actually going on and improve your health little little by little.

His ER bill came out to $9747.24. Our portion is $1227.69. Its worth it to spend a little extra money to take care of your health! On organic foods, massages, accupuncture, energy work, exercise passes. It's worth it to take time to exercise and make nourishing meals. Its worth it to get outside and connect to nature. It's worth it to do the inner work so you are more stable and happy emotionally and healthier physically!

Creighton almost lives off of pizza, ice cream, candies, and whatever else his cravings want. But there are consequences when we don't deal with our emotional stuff and emotionally eat! So if you reading this, learn this now: its better take care of you now so you don't have to pay the consequences later.

Don't break your own boundaries:

Have you felt like you needed to take care of you? And you felt like you couldn't? Or you chose not to because it felt inconvenient?  I have felt like this a lot in my life. especially as a mother. My most recent example is from Saturday. I had planned for 2 weeks to do a zoom call with other writers- I am writing a book! EEK! SO Saturday rolls around. We do our family stuff. We did a fun hike. We came home. C rested while I played with the kids and made dinner. That lead to clean-up and bedtime. Bed time was not going well. My kids just wanted to be awake. And they were so cute and silly, but MOMMY needed for mommy. So I kinda lost it my kids. Well.. 7 rolls around. I finally got to the call at 7:30. River was in my room and he got his fingers pinched and internally I lost it. I imploded and told my husband I was feeling unsupported. He already wasnt feeling great, I felt angry and frustrated and upset. That I couldn't even get myself to go back onto the call. I was so upset. I gave up. I gave into the beleif I couldn't do it tonight.

I broke my own boundry. not my husband. Not my kids. ME. Not granted there are many times where we don't have a choice. I did this time. I could have asked my husband to help. But I didn't. And the emotions stacked up. I then felt discouraged and depressed. Set a boundary for your self care and do it. You will feel so much better.

On the other hand,
Saturday morning, I went to go exercise with Rachel. And it felt glorious. The sun was out. It was warm! And cool! and fun! It still wasn't easy to get out of my house. My bbaby wanted me. My daughter wanted to come. I got my kids breakfast. It felt really hard just to get out and do it. and it would have been easier to not go. But I knew that by doing it, I would feel better. And as result, create more happiness in my home.

Also, on Thursday, I knew C needed to go to his mom's house. There, he could rest and relax. and I could rest and relax. He was playing the victim mostly bc he didn't feel good. But when he left, I was able to get my house in order. I had a girls evening with my cooking club friend. RAchel came over we had kambucha and chocolate. And we geeked on rocks and just talked. It felt so amazing. An I felt revived. restored. I felt like ME again. 

3 years since I have posted!

Can you believe it have been 3 years since I have posted anything on this blog? 3 years? That is 1,095 days. How much can happen in that short period of time? I mean, its only 1,000 days, right? In the last 1,000 days, we have moved from Hawaii, lived in Illinois, had a baby, moved to Utah, bought a house, graduated from college, met new people, lost touch with many, and met new people again. Well, in that time, life is brought me to the edge, I have fallen and gotten back up, over and over again. Life does not always turn out as we expect.

People don't get married, planning on getting divorced. We don't expect to lose a child, get in a bad car accident, get diagnosed with chronic illness. Bumps come and then we have to deal with them, giving us life experience. Life experience is one of our greatest teachers, or it should be.

I have been on the search or journey to find me, the true essense of who I am, and my purpose. It is no coinsidence that the Emotion Code, Body Code, Foot zone Therapy, 3 kep elements, mentoring programs, other trainings have come into my life. If you look into this industry, its booming. Seriously. There are more and more healers coming to the surface. Why? Because the world is changing. People are changing. Hard things in life happen, and it causes us to create change.  Each and every person is unique with their own set of talents and qualities. Each person has a mission, or many missions to complete in life. We are creators. You can be a creator. You were meant to create.

I am creating. I am becoming. I have goals and dreams. Right now, I am creating birthing mentoring programs because that is one of my passions. What are you creating?

To get in touch with me, reach out to me 

• on my website: www.bodyandsolehealing.com
• on my Balance For Birth FB page: https://www.facebook.com/Balanceforbirth
• on my Body and Soul Healing FB page: https://www.facebook.com/BodyAndSoulHolisticHealingAndHealth/
• Email: Bodyandsoulhealing2012@gmail.com

You are never alone

         Do you ever feel like you are alone? That no one understands what you are feeling? Have you looked around you seeing others happy all around you, feeling like their lives are perfect? Every person has felt this way, but for different trials they are experiencing. I, too have felt this many many times. The beautiful thing about this is that this is not reality. We have a Savior who has felt every pain, every sorrow, and every burden. While pondering on how he could have felt what I was feeling, the thought came, "He never gave birth, right?". This is the conclusion that I have come to, His life was far from perfect. He was literally all alone in the Garden of Gethsemane. He was betrayed. He felt unspeakable pain, emotionally and physically. It may have been different circumstances, but the feelings, pain, and emotions were there. All that he endured, he endured out of love, for us. I feel like his love, and God's love is extended to us when we need it and when we don't. We feel it when someone gives a smile, helps that mom trying to get a stroller upstairs, and when we are helping others with comfort and support.
       If there is anything that I have learned having a job as an energy healer and foot zoner, no one is immune to problems. That person with the perfect house and perfect family has problems too. So when someone is unkind or unloving, it is best to give the benefit of the doubt because we do not know what they are going through. The answer is love. Love yourself and love others as they are.Be forgiving to yourself and others.
        I have struggled at times thinking that because I have struggles, have felt the darkness of depression and anxiety, I am not adequate to help others. I am not able to do this work. But I know that this too is a lie. It is because of the struggles I face that I am better able to understand where you are coming from, and I can help you more. I rely on God in every session and I choose to believe in myself, to beleive that I can make a difference and bring light to your life. And by doing so, you bring light to my life. I am a wounded, but healing healer.
        If you need love and support, it is there. Let yourself receive it. If you see someone else in need, give of yourself and you will fee uplifted. Don't give into the lies, but hold onto the hope that is all around you. Let us unite and become a more loving and kind people

Happiness is a journey, not a destination.

I have learned so much from being in the healing business. For me, it is not about the money. The money helps me to be able to learn more to help others and live, but I choose this because I can help uplift, heal, feel hope, move forward through challenges. Each and everyone of us have challenges in life.
I have had my own "stuff" that I am learning through this past year. And its been really challenging. I have had many moments of feeling alone, depressed, loss of hope, and feeling like a failure. I have found some things that really help and maybe they will help you:

1. Getting ALL my vitamins, minerals, amino acids, antioxidants, etc: When I don't, I feel more exhausted, tired and my energy levels are low! Not only that, but I am more prone to feeling down, and I am less patient and less motivated to be the best me. When I DO get all my nutrients, I have more energy and my mood is better too. One supplement I love is Smartmix  from Zija because it literally has all the nutrients I need in one little package.

2. Exercise: I can't tell you in words how much this makes a difference for me. It is a difference of feeling unmotivated and having low energy to feel bright and upbeat. I feel better about myself, therefore I am happier at home and get a lot more done. I tend to need 5 days of good exercise a week.



3. Serving others: This helps me to get out of my own dark holes because I em uplifting others, which lifts me up too. I start to feel gratitude again for what I have and HOPE. I can see the big picture more clearly. That's why I offer to help, because I know we all need a boost at one time or another.

4. Deep breathes: Did you know that this shifts energy and helps to let go of negativity.   I have this intentions of breathing in positive energy and releasing negative energy.

5. Essential oils: My smelling them, it gives me a short break from stressful and heavy emotions, so I can more easily move forward and be the best me in the hardest moments.

6. My babies: I have 2 precious girls and I love them. They tire me out and my 2 year old often tests my patience, but they give me reason to keep trying, and bring sunshine into my life. Their smiles and laughter send hope into my heart.

7. Positive affirmations: If you are like me, you may find yourself focusing on a lot of negative thoughts and these negative thoughts swirl and get bigger and its harder to get out of that dark hole. But positive affirmations help us to focus on the opposite- the positive things in life and bring us closer to truth. The simplest phrases can make a profound difference- I love my self, I am valuable and no one can take that away. I am loved. I am proud of myself. I choose to be happy. Happiness is my choice. When that negative though creeps in, say something positive. Anything positive.

8. Prayer: I believe that there is a God who loves me and knows me personally and all that I go through. I believe that he wants me to be happy. I believe that all healing comes from Christ. When I feel surrounded by darkness- I pray and think what Jesus Christ would do and pray for the darkness to be removed and replaced with light. And you know what? It works.

I want to be my best self. I want to stay motivated in filling myself with light and love. I can understand pain because I have felt pain, emotionally and physically. I know how feeling depressed feels and its not great. I also know how it feels to be filled with love, and gratitude because we are not alone and we are not forgotten. Hope and complete healing is a journey and it is reachable.  So I am a journey of healing and I hope you will

allow me to help you on yours.